Faux News

Naked Woman Found
By Vickie Sekrettz
International Press

[BLUE ROCK) Blue Rock Sheriffs have appealed for help in identifying a naked woman who has not said a word since being found running along the interstate.

The woman, believed to be in her late 20s or early 30s, was found naked with no possessions or identity papers. When police pulled up along the interstate, she just walked in from the woods and sat in the back of the cruiser.

Police officers have tried speaking to her but she has not responded to any questions, a police spokesman said. 

"Apparently she was on the run from someone," said Blue County Sheriff Nick Ward. "Poor girl is probably still in shock."

She was given a pen but would not write anything and also stared blankly at a sign-language expert who was drafted by police to try to communicate with her. 

Authorities released a photograph of the red-haired, fair-skinned, thin, 1.72-metre woman in case someone recognizes her.

Police are investigating a burning cottage in the northern woods. Maybe there is a connection to the naked woman, says Ward. "Until then she is at the hospital under observation."

The woman is being cared for at General Hospital and appears otherwise healthy.

Winterlude

The biting cold chilled Maggie to the bone but she ignored that and kept running. She thought that she should be used to situations like this. One minute you're sitting in a warm cabin resting, the next you're flying out the door being chased by some goons. 

All she had time for was to grab her katana. She was barefoot and being hunted by several trackers; it was a good thing that she knew where she was going. 

Trump trotted alongside of her, maintaining his pace. He knew that at any moment several slugs could rip his hide apart. But being a gentlecat it wouldn't be proper to hide on a lady.

"Pleasant company you keep," he told her. "Friends of yours?"

"Dearly," she said. She paused for a second to get her bearings and then she heard the hounds braying. They were getting close. "Unrelenting bastards that they are."

"If worse comes to worse you could use me as a shawl," Trump said.

"Getting lazy are we?" Mags stated with a wink. "I know you just want to get your paws on my naked body."

Prelude to a Dream

August 11 2000 

Max stood with his hands clasped behind his back, looking at the map of the world he had just tacked up. He was still sweating from the morning workout. His wounds having healed nicely, it was time to add fresh new ones to the fold. 

The alarm clock radio was tuned to a station. And at 6am the station popped on in the middle of Billy Haley & The Comets' ' Ling Ting Tong'. 

"Okay," Max said. "Phase one done. Now for Phase two."

He didn't know why he subjected himself to this life.

He watched as a black fly crawled on the map. He was waiting for a sign. Then there were three flies crawling over the map, and shortly they were converging at one spot. His attention was honed into the signal and he nodded. 

"Well now," he said.

He fished a cigarette out of the flattened pack and took a wooden match out of a film canister. The container was decorated with a few symbols, which were hard to make out since they were well worn. But Max knew what they were.

He struck it and the stick lit up. He brought the match to his face and looked at the blue fire with a greenish tinge to it. He touched the match to the cigarette and puffed. Savoring it's taste. 

He picked up his cellphone and dialled a number. His fingers moving like a leaf in the breeze.

"Hey Pretty," Max said. "Can you rustle up some tickets?"

"Sure thing Max," Pretty said. "Where to?"

"I think I am needed in Kowloon."

Faux Blog

a journal excerpt from BloggityBlogBlogs: 

Subject: A Girl Named Aqua?
Date: Sept 23 2005
Tags: Weird, Strange, Odd

I met a weird girl this morning, she called herself Aqua, and she saved my life. I was standing waiting for the school bus when a shadowy figure moved from the alley towards me. It looked like the size of a big dog, but it was all black and had glowing red eyes.

Before I had a chance to scream I heard this: KIIIIIYYYYYYAAAAAA! And then this cowboy chick lands infront of me and kicks the shadowy dog into next year. She asked if I was okay and I said yes. I asked her her name and she said: Aqua.

I ran back to the house and told my mom about the rabid dog. And she told me not to tell stories and to get to the stop before I missed the bus. Why don't parents believe us?

Well, since this is English Lit and I should be working on my book report I just wanted to note this strange encounter.

Underground Saints

The subway car shunted down the tunnels taking them to who-knows-where-or-when. It had been a strange few days and Max's world had gone to hell in a handbasket. His ideology and psyche had gone through a major rewrite. As if some unknown program had been hiding in the wetware, and some trigger event had started it running. 

His eyes were tired and the nights and days blurred together into some incoherent 80's music montage. The train was near empty again. Suki was sleeping, curled up on a couple of seats, the Godhammer in her hands. Akimoto was down at the far end exercising. Swinging an imaginary sword in his own imaginary world. 

Max felt a kinship with the others; heck, they were all drawn into this mess by a common thread. But his heart and soul were elsewhere, he could see that in the reflection of the darkness outside.

Max watched the platforms blur into one huge world of their own. He had been watching worker ants who though that they were so important doing their jobs, as if it truly mattered. He didn't envy them waiting. Waiting for their turn to go someplace other than where they were. Thousands of different universes with no clue about the existence of others. All trapped within their own boundaries like a prisoner on an island, ignoring the outside truths. 

Man, I'm so screwed, he thought. Mags, wherever you are, I love thee.

He was jolted back to the current reality, as the subway car came to a stop. The call sign of the station was West Hampton. He reached over and shook Suki; her eyes fluttered open and she brought up the Godhammer. The tip of the barrel touched Max's nose.

"We're here," Max told her with a wink and a slight smile. "Time to get your game face on."

"Cool," was Suki's reply. She lowered the cannon.

Faux News

Increased Security For New City Subway System
by Kate Mallory
Staff Reporter

[New City] -Sept. 23, 2005 -- LEGACY Security Solutions, Inc. , a leading provider of security products and services, announced this morning that it has begun to install a subway video surveillance system as part of a pilot program for the New City Police Department (NCPD). 

"It's time to crack down on the criminal activity that happens in the subways," said Willow Daylen, NCPD spokesperson. "With the recent rash of events that have been going on, LEGACY has stepped forward to offer their services."

The program features covert wireless video surveillance engineered by LEGACY to observe criminal activity underground. Multiple subway locations in the Borough of Manatan will be monitored over the course of the next 60 days, based on historical crime statistics, and the NCPD will also use the new system as a counter-terrorism tool in high profile areas. 

LEGACY's secure, covert technology has already been deployed in three undisclosed subway locations - leading to two arrests within the first hour of operation. 

"It's the dawn of a new age in fighting crime," Markus Control, LEGACY CEO, commented. "The cube affect will be hunted to the max."

When asked to elaborate on the last statement, Control just nodded.

Knicks in Time

Dexter Washington was heading down the stairs to the platform when he heard the subway pulling into the station. This was the train he needed to get him where he was going in time to take in the pre-game festivities. He picked up his pace.

He was in a good mood, having scored Knicks playoff tickets. It had been a very hard day at work and now it was time to relax, take in the game and head to O'Malley's afterwards for a few rounds. 

Once he got lower on the steps, he could see the end car's door beginning to close. He sprinted for the door and stuck his arm forward to stop it from closing completely. There was no way in hell he was going to wait another 20 minutes for the next train.

The door opened and he squeezed through. The car wasn't full. He noticed a funky looking teenaged white girl in a cowboy motif. Looked like she was wearing some huge gauntlets. His eyes scanned the other passengers. A huge fellow decked out in a t-shirt which declared My Kimono Is At The Cleaners. He was sitting down in the middle of the floor in what looked like a yoga position. 

Great, thought Dex. I had to pick a car with circus refugees. 

A weird sensation of deja vu started to tickle at his mind. A feeling of dread slowly rising. He had been having a lot of nightmares lately, and had been working hard to convince himself that they were not, in fact, memories.

That's when he noticed the schoolgirl sitting there; she was reading a text book. Which seemed normal enough to Dex. Alright. Alright, it's okay. 

Which brought his attention to the fellow sitting directly across from the girl. That's when the feeling of dread washed over him like a tidal wave.

"Max?" Dexter said in disbelief.

Max turned and smiled and said casually, "Mr. Washington. I was wondering when we were going to finally meet up again."

"Craptacular!" Dexter said, realizing that he wouldn't be making the Knicks game after all.

The Needy

Max pulled the car into a roadside stop. He parked at the far end of the lot; there was only a winnebago close to the restaurant. 

"Why are we parked here?" Pretty asked.

"Looks like you could use the exercise," Max replied. 

Pretty George got out and stretched; this was the first time he had been out this way and away from his routine. Max glanced at his chronometer; the time was 11:22pm. They had been on the road for the past few hours.

"You famished?" Max asked Pretty.

"Ya," Pretty replied. "I could go for a bite."

"Then it's set," Max said. He opened the car door and rolled down the window and tossed the keys into the driver side seat.

"Something going on?" Pretty asked.

"Call it a hunch," Max replied as he walked towards the building.

Pretty reached inside the backseat and grabbed his travel bag and then caught up to Max.

They sat in a corner booth in Mickey Dee's. Pretty had a hamburger and fries while Max ate a salad. The restaurant was practically empty except for the staff behind the counter and an elderly couple who were sitting there discussing travel plans.

"So what's the scoop, Max?" Pretty asked. "Why are you dragging me out in the middle of god's country?"

"It's hard to explain," Max replied; he glanced at his watch again. Then he looked out the window to the parking lot. Pretty's attention turned to the window as well, as a young girl was walking up the ramp. She was passing by Max's car and she peered inside.

"She going to take it?" Pretty asked. "Is that why you did that?"

Max just held up his hand signaling Pretty to wait. 

The girl stood there looking around, and then she opened the car door and slid in. She took the keys and started the car and peeled out of the parking lot and onto the freeway ramp, speeding off into the night.

"What now?" Pretty asked.

"She's needs it more than we do," Max replied as he returned to his meal. "Besides, I brought you hear to work your magic on that couple over there. I don't have very good people skills."

Pretty nodded. Ever since he met up with Max & Maggie his world had taken a little spin.

Tonight on 'Feng Shui'

TRANSCRIPT 

Voice Over: Previously on "Feng Shui" 

Flashbacks to previous episodes. Mags jumping from a building, firing several rounds through the air. Max hanging from a helicopter and letting go. Trump sitting on a fence licking his paw and wiping his face. Frank dancing in a night club. 

-Present-

(Mags is lying on a hospital bed. 2 doctors are standing on either side of her)

Doctor 1: The results are inconclusive but we must be missing something of importance here. Wounds just don't heal up and disappear.

Doctor 2: Are you sure that this is the gunshot victim?

Doctor 1: Yes. She had several bullet wounds here, here and here. 

(holds up a bloody shirt with several bullet holes through it)

Doctor 1: This shirt came off her.

(shows doctor 2 the shirt with several bullet wounds)

Doctor 2: Nice try. (laughs) It's too early for April fool's jokes.

Doctor 1: I'm not kidding. When they rolled her in here she was covered in blood and had about 8 bullet wounds.

Hit Me With Your Best Shot

THWIRP!

The bullet left the gun, traveling across the span of space, pushing aside the air, leaving a wake. Mags ducked, the bullet just missing her by a mere fraction of a millimeter. Her heart pounding, adrenaline kicking in.

The two LEGACY hitmen were stationed on the rooftop. They had tracked down the target and had her in their sights. But for some uncanny reason, as their fingers pressed upon the triggers of their guns, the target looked out the window and straight at them.

"She's even better than what the report described," said one of the assassins. He was swinging the rifle around to track her.

"Not for much longer," the other said as he pulled the trigger.

The Rain Game

The waiting was always the hardest part. After the last shift, Max had been affected. He had disappeared, running off into the night screaming about needles in the brain. Mags tried to take off after him, but she was still wounded from the battle. If only she had caught him before he rabbited.

Mags realized Max was a cosmic instrument, and that with each shift some neural patterns would change in his brain. Like a software program rewriting itself, and that sometimes glitches appeared. This time was one of those glitches. She hoped.

Mags sat on the window sill watching rain streak down the pane. Her left hand touching the window and feeling the vibration of the storm. She was feeling what the tempest was bringing and it made her cry; a tear streaked down her cheek and past the smile on her lips.

Her laptop was open and she was perusing through the news, using the power of Google to find some weird stuff happening in this reality. She caught a news story of how a woman was being attacked by "rabid dogs" and how a heroic rescuer intervened.

There was a fuzzy snapshot of the fellow, but through the blurred photo she could make out Max. It looked like he was giving the finger to the cameraman.

"Take care of yourself, you big fool," she said. She just needed a few more days, then she would begin the hunt.

Faux Blog

An excerpt from someone's journal at UniversalBlogs - uniting bloggers of the world so you don't have to:
 
COMMUTER HELL
 
One thing I hate is using public transportation to get me where I need to be when I need to be there. Each time I do something strange seems to happen. My car is in the shop getting fixed, and I am trying to save money from not renting in order to get it fixed. So for the past few days I've been taking the subway in to work. Yee-fucking-haw.

Today, I was introduced to a strange site. I swear, it's a commuter rite-of-passage. Now I have heard stories about some of the strange stuff that happens in subways. Something akin to the Twilight Zone, but I shrugged them off as myths and legends. Now, I ain't too fucking sure.

Platform Souls

The subway doors slid open and Akimoto stepped out onto the dirty platform. His arms hidden in his robes. His eyes narrow and focused, he scanned the abandoned platform and was ready for any surprise.

Suki followed the big Norseman from the car, brandishing the Godhammer; the futuristic weapon was a huge cannon in her small hands. The whole right side of her arm lit up with an eerie glow as her finger rested on the trigger. Her school uniform pressed, she was ready for a new kind of education. Class was about to begin.

Max stepped from the car, a cigarette dangling from his lips. Smoke trailing behind him like a jet-fighter going down. He took a huge drag and blew out the smoke, then flicked the cigarette away. The baton twirled in the air like a satellite breaking up on re-entry.

"Marvelous," he whispered.

A cockroach the size of a great dane scuttled from the darkness across the floor towards Akimoto. The samurai-viking leaped into the air, sword drawn, ready to meet this horrific foe.

Suki let out a yelp of terror; she had never seen a cockroach that big before.