Here's How Max Saw How He Met the Cat...

Now the impact was hard, and that particular moment he impacted the cat asked him. And a tree and a few park, came a few branches, at the ground. He asked him chuckle, just as he felt like Wile E: no him chuckle, just as he lain looked over and a reply. Where am I? I now the impact was hard, and Max bounced off a park, came a reply? In a tree and Max that particular moment he asked him chuckle, just as he impacted the after effects of the ground.

And that particular moment he lain on the heavens; at the after effects of the ground looking up at the grass licking his paws. Max said as he lain on the impact was hard, and Max said as he felt like Wile E: licking his paws: the ground.

The impact ground: looking up at the cat asked him. And Max said as he impacted the impact was hard, and Max bounced off a tree and Max bounced off a reply: heavens.

Faux News

Tall Tales of The Absurd
By Mindy Web
Chronicle Staff Writer

One minute Jonas Weer was hiking with his golden retriever in a forest. The next, his pet was being torn apart by a "huge insect".

A scene from a sci-fi film? No, maintains Weer, who says he was rescued from the creature by a team of supernatural hunters calling themselves "dragons".

"I wouldn't be here today if it wasn't for the timely intervention of my guardian angels," says Weer. "An angelic woman in a red suit, a school girl and a cheerleader came from the woods nearby and saved my life. They were quite the trio."

He described them as the Charlie's Angels of the supernatural world.

Weer and others -- including Tara Fortuna who says that "dragon warriors" are protecting us from the evils of the worlds -- gathered in Sao Plana this week for a world discussion on "dragons".

"I chatted with one personally," said Fortuna. "His name is Max and is quite the extraordinary man. He says he fights this war so that we don't have to."

The Dragons Congress, organized by the Children of Omega, a group that believes a small band of warriors are fighting the good fight so that we can live normal lives, takes place during the next three days. People from all over the world will come to discusss how the "dragons" have saved them from disaster.

US air force Lt. Col. Amanda Pare, 43, told a news conference last night of her first meeting with one of the warriors in 2001, when she about to meet an untimely end but was saved by Fortuna's warrior named Max.

"I was returning home one evening, when there was something on the road. I swerved to miss it and ended up in the ditch," says Pare. "When I got out there was a huge beast there and it nearly got me, but then there was this fellow who saved my life."

Pare described the fellow who seemed to bounce from tree to tree and land with a flourish on the road between her and the beast (she describes it as a huge mutated dog).

"As the dog leaped for me, I saw him spring from a branch with both guns blazing and the bullets struck the creature and sent it spinning back a few yards. Then Max landed before me and still kept firing at the beast and walking towards it as well. The creature was taking round after round."

Once the beast was dead, the dragon warrior strolled up to Pare and asked if she was okay. And then he nodded his head and leaped back into the forest.

It is the opinion of this reporter that either Max is indeed Peter Pan gone Lost Boy or that these people watched too much Japanese animation.

A Realization in Time Saves Nine

The bullets zinged passed him like angry hornets after a bear. Max stood there looking about the scenery, assessing the situation. Suki was firing the godhammer back at the pack of hellhounds down one hallway, while Mags did her dance among two dozen no-named mooks with the katana sending body parts parcel post.

He brought his hand to his face, staring intently at it. He took the pointing finger from his right hand and slowly brought it to the palm of the left, and he could feel the soft tissue and he pressed a little harder and saw his finger disappear into his hand. Like a magician amused at a parlor trick he did it a few times.

"I knew it," Max muttered, looking up at the ceiling, as if looking up from a table-top. "Show yourself, you bastiche."

MORGANFOKKER SAYS THAT ONLY YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS IN BETWEEN, WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE, WHAT HAPPENS NEXT BUT YOU ARE TOO AFRAID TO SAY.

Questions Unanswered

"Where you going?" Suki asked, as she followed Max. 

Max stopped and looked at her. "There's something that I have to do."

"Can I tag along?" Suki asked.

"Not this time," Max told her. He turned and went out the swinging doors, adding, "It's not something that I would want you subjected to."

Suki watched as the doors closed and smiled. She would show him.

Faux Blog

excerpt from Candyman_39399384's Journal from Ghostbloggers:

Yesterday I bumped into Wesley & Jett. Wesley tells me to come over later and do a couple of lines and watch Jill The Ripper I say maybe. I wasn't intending on going over there, my main plan was to listen to some LP's and maybe drink a Jack or two.
So I sit around my flat reading one of those sci-fi digests, right now this story called Tomorrow's Station is warping my brain. So when it comes time to turn on the TV the fucking tube blows. My rotten luck. So fuck it I grab my jacket and head down to watch a movie instead.
Sure I could have had some coke,but I hate hanging around with Wesley.If the offer had been free ECS and 12 cans of Heiny's I would have gone round.
Anyhoo, I am standing on the platform I'm too lazy to walk the three blocks to the theatre. The subway car pulls up and I enter and then whammo this big fooker hits me in the face with a fist. Knocks me right on my arse. This little asian school girl comes to my side and said well "he does look like him."
"him" who the fuck is him? And why does someone want to jab "him" on a subway car. I was going to jump up and go apeshit on the big guy, but that's when I noticed he was with a half dozen or so other people including the girl. So I think they are going to do me in soon. Why didn't I go and take Wesley up on his offer. Though, at the next platform the doors open and I crawl out while they are discussing something about something. Something to do with the spider-folk of mars? And what to do when they find "him". One thing for sure I was glad not to be "him" whoever he is.

Faux Blog

An excerpt from Waking Witch's journal at Searching The Voids:

I awoke this morning from the nightmare.

The nightmare is always the same, though this time I try to remember their faces, but it's no use, they appear faceless, but i do remember the details of their clothes. He is wearing a white t-shirt declaring "What The KLF?" I really don't understand what that means, he has a jean jacket on and wearing black jeans. She is dressed in a red dress, she has a katana strapped to her back and they dance. And what a beautiful dance it is.

In my nightmare I am fleeing, I think I am running from giant insects. I really don't know how to describe it but in my dream I am running like I have lead weights in my legs. The insects are about to get me when I heard a buzz, much like a fly when it zips pass your ear. And then from the sky they drop down. My dream angels... they rescue me from the horrid death.

The problem is I don't know if this means anything at all? And why do I have this same dream over and over again? Is it an imprint from another reality? Trying to wake me from this one? What is the meaning? Who are the couple in this dream? Are they morpheuses of my folks? teachers? friends? what do the insect means?

Like Alice Through the Looking Glass

The impact was hard, and Max bounced off a tree and a few branches; at that particular moment he felt like Wile E. Coyote. And that imagery in his mind made him chuckle, just as he impacted the ground. Momentarily winded, he lay on the ground looking up at the heavens.

"Where am I now?" he asked no one in particular. 

"In a park," came a reply. He looked over and saw a cat sitting on the grass licking his paws. 

"Ah," Max said as he picked himself up. "Now the next question is when am I?"

"I beg your pardon?" the cat asked him.

Max stood on his feet, still feeling the after-effects of the shift.

Faux Forum

Forum excerpt from I_Want_2_Believe: 

ICN (International Cable News) Reports that there is a secret war going on and that only a handful of people are fighting to keep this reality alive.
[link goes to video story]

2005-10-02 10:22:02 AM da_man
Who'd want to?? This reality sucks big time. :P I know that in the next reality that I want to be surrounded by playboy bunnies and wear my pyjamas all day. 

2005-10-02 10:24:24 AM jorb_hunter
who needs a tinfoil wedgie? sounds like somebody there does.

2005-10-02 10:26:48 AM Cosmic_Goddess
I really don't know but it seems too far fetched even to me.

2005-10-02 10:27:04 AM boom_shaklak_boom
I know someone who has encountered one of those warriors. They were on the subway and battling demons?

2005-10-02 10:27:54 AM The_Extreme666
I call bullshat on that! boom_shaklak ... cause everyone knows that demons don't like subway cars.

2005-10-02 10:29:23 AM Jeff
Hey Cosmic_Goddess I got you reality right here. ;) (holds crotch)

2005-10-02 10:31:35 AM George_Washingtons_brother
Dammit! This is serious! Who knows when we wake up in the morning that we're imprisoned by a tyrannical dictator?

2005-10-02 10:33:47 AM Mixmaster_K
I really don't trust a website with an ad for the Date Hot Asian Chicks on its site.

2005-10-02 10:35:12 AM angel_of_sex
That's truly is weird man. I clicked the link and read the article... and what they were writing about is at the subway station just two blocks from me. I just came from there after reading the article and I am getting a weird vibe from it. 

2005-10-02 10:35:32 AM Canadian_Bacon
Well that certianly sucks. 

2005-10-02 10:37:59 AM woodstock
Well I better go home and get some nookie from the wife. Cause I might not be able to in the morning. ;)

2005-10-02 10:38:04 AM RedHairedAngel
I am sensing something sinister is in the air.

Faux Script

cue Music

Montage

SUBWAYS MOVING THROUGHOUT CITY

A. SUBWAY STATION INT.
GONER & TRUMP move down the sidewalk, among the scattered pedestrians. TRUMP is sticking close to GONER. Goner drops a coin into a vending booth and picks up a paper.
CUT

B. HARBOR EXT. NIGHT
The Staten Island Ferry docks. MAGS steps from the gangplank and walks toward the camera. We see that she is dressed in a dark red body suit, camo pants and wearing a long brown coat.
CUT

C. CITY STREET EXT. NIGHT
FRANK walking, eating a hot dog. He checks his watch; the time is 11:45pm and he heads for the subway platform. As he walks down the stairs... CUT TO 2 figures in an alleyway with glowing red LED eyes. One of them speaks into its wrist.

D. NIGHTCLUB INT. NIGHT
ANGST is on the dance-floor getting into the musical vibe; she dances up a storm. Sweat covering her body. Her watch vibrates and that is her cue to leave. She begins walking away from one MAN, who grabs her arm.

ANGST: Let go or lose it.

MAN: Come on, Sugar. You can't just wind me up and leave me hanging.

Angst's knee comes up to meet MAN's groin.

ANGST: I presume that they are not hanging anymore.
CUT

E. PLATFORM EXT. NIGHT
MAX is standing on the platform with headphones on, digging the beat. He is listening to "White Lines". His head bobbing as he waits for the car to pull in.

Celebration of the Cube

A recording from a gospel sermon from the year 8437 AD

Reverend: Even though he walked through the darkest of cities,
he feared no evil,
for Pain & Joy were with him.
Max prepared a table before us;
the sound of gunshots echoing gladness,
and blood overflowed.
Parishioners: Goodness and mercy shall follow us all the days of our lives
Reverend: Max will be with you.
Parishioners: And also with you
Reverend: He along with the angel, Maggie, cleansed this earth.
Parishioners: And made it anew
Reverend: For They had fought the righteous battle.
Parishioners: And we all knew for they were fighting the sins of the worlds for us.

Faux Blog

excerpt from a journal at Bloggers Mysterious & True

the platform
Hmmm... it's been a long while since I journaled here. But I have to tell someone or something what happened. If I was to repeat this to my friends and family they'd think that I am right nuts and have me committed. This morning started off just like any other boring day, I got up and showered and then grabbed a bite to eat and then went down to the subway to catch my train for work.

All was fine, I stood on the platform with the usual throng of automatons heading off to work or university or god knows where everyone goes throughout the day. So here I am standing on the platform, waiting, when this beautiful woman stands beside me. I could smell her perfume, she was gorgeous. If I was straight I might have even tried to talk with her. 

The train pulls up and everyone is piling on, she stands at the platform and then walks down to the end car. And on a whim, I decide to follow her. Sexual orientation aside, I was like a lost puppy lost in her scent. Now, here comes the real strange part, she enters this car which was empty except for a few others. 

The woman sits down with a fellow in an x-man shirt and they begin chatting, while the girl in the cowboy hat is dancing in the back. There was a school girl sitting there with what looked to be a gun in her lap, and she was chatting with a detective - street clothes but his badge around his neck. And he looked pissed, as if somebody had shit in his cornflakes that morning. There was this big fellow at the other end of the car and he was meditating. So I guess that is why everyone left him alone. 

I took a seat near the nice smelling girl. I tried not to look at her but it was like turning away from an angel. The other passengers were all gathering, like they knew each other but maybe hadn't seen each other in a while.The subway car jolted to a stop at a platform. And it didn't look like Hope Street station... It looked like a place in hell. On the platform was all these demonic creatures and I heard someone shout out,"It's corrupted," and that's when all hell broke loose.

The doors opened and unleashed the gates of hell. The stink of the platform got to me and made me wretch. I could see all the others moving about, the school girl firing this laser pistol, while the woman I had followed wipped out this sword. The cop was bashing heads with a huge bat and the cowboy girl was still dancing but she was knocking the beasts about. I gathered the whole battle must of took like 20 minutes... and there was blood and gore everywhere. 

That's when the school girl noticed me - she lifts up her arm and it's glowing bright at the end and says something like, "You think one of them is hiding in him?"

Some one, I think it was the x-man, says, "Sooky".

The sword woman looks at me, her eyes peering into my soul, replies, "He's pure." Leans in towards me. "Don't be following people onto subway cars."

The guy in the x-shirt picks me up and hands me a cloth, "Take it and go home. When you wake up this will all be a dream."

Angst in the Woods

Angst was waiting for the signal. She was itching to get into the fight but had been following Max's orders to the letter. She could hear the sound of gunshots echoing down below, and then the flash of lights. That was her signal to move.

The building below exploded in a fiery ball, as if someone had unleashed the gates of hell. Angst left her post, heading down towards the building; she could spot movement and she fired. 

Bullets zipped past her but she was like a black cat at midnight. She could feel the cough of the uzis in her hands, the vibration giving her a warm feeling. She knew it was a perverse aspect, but she was getting to love combat.

She mowed down minion after minion; she had been told that anyone heading in her direction would be fleeing the scene, and to terminate with extreme prejudice. She made it to the base of the hill and paused at the nightmare before her.

A 13 foot tall minotaur was holding Max up by the throat and saying something to him in a guttural language. Angst shook her head and stepped forward, both uzis firing at the beast.