> Chance in Plureality 6

January 12th, ????

I'm leaving this floating in the stream. I still don't understand it, but I've come to feel its pull from time to time. The Angel and the Demon tried their best to explain it, but it's never fully taken hold.

I've kept moving like they suggested, never stayed in one place too long, never made waves; just observed them.

I can't count the number of places I've been in, nor the number of 'instances' I've participated in... I usually know when a jump is coming though. It's like a tremor, you could be doing anything, then you notice it. Things just seem off, or far too clear. Police describe the adrenaline rush they get as heightening sounds or sensations, things are louder, clearer... More focused. It's a shame I've never been able to adapt to it and use it like I feel I should be able to. I just get lost in it, fall into the life I've taken on during that instance... Try to cling to it, like it'll make a difference this time around...

I've made my way by assuming lives. Easiest way to start, gather up some money... Starting from the bottom in some instances, beg, borrow, steal... Get some bankroll. After that, hit up a storage auction. You'd be surprised what kind of a start you can get from that... Little bits of a person or a family, all conveniently stowed awaiting retrieval. You can use that, set yourself up, assume a life. 

I know I'm supposed to observe, and wait... For what I still don't know, but I see them sometimes, during those tense moments. The kid and the girl with feathers in her hair. Often the man with the amusing or ironic t-shirts is there. Sometimes others... Recurring characters in a story I'm not allowed to know, but I play a part in apparently nonetheless.

I'm writing this now because I don't want to do this anymore.... I'm tired... I wish I'd never taken the time to listen to those two. Maybe I'd still be bouncing from cube to cube, making my ends meet, instead of digging through other peoples forgotten life fragments, trying to make some facsimile of a life. 

I want the meaning I was promised by those two that day over breakfast... I'll even take part of that meaning... Something will be better than nothing... And yet... I still gets that feeling... Like the other night in that noodle shop. 

There was a car accident outside, I'd swear that happened in slow motion... A white car narrowly avoided the wreck... It sped off into the night, leaving one of its passengers behind. I'd never met him, but he had that feeling about him, as I watched from the sidelines as I usually do. I knew this man somehow. He walked in the same stream as we do, and if you're reading this you know what stream I mean. 

While onlookers swarmed the car crash, the suited man from the car stood staring down the street, all but unnoticed by the onlookers. He had a worn out look to him... He looked like I feel. Tired... Worn out... Just done. 

Another man came out of the crowd then, also seemingly unnoticed by any of the onlookers. He walked with him and led him to a bench, where they sat down. It was then the scene enveloped me as they usually do... I could hear the sizzling of the kitchen behind me... The rustling of the man across from me as he turned to look at the chaos taking place in the streets, the overhead fans thrummed in tune to the footsteps of the people crowding the accident outside.

The two suited figures on the bench talked, the scruffy and worn man in his dirty suit and pristine crucifix; His head slowly leaning to one side. The old man in blue beside him, shaking his hands at him in an almost chiding manner, leaning on a cane, as if to reiterate a point already discussed. Still, no one but I seemed to notice them.

This carried on for some time, until the police showed up outside. A recurring character, the large detective among them this time for some reason. It was then the man in the blue suit took notice, of the detective I assume... When he placed his hand on his listeners shoulder and patted it. It felt like goodbye from where I was seeing it.

A man rose from the noodle counter inside with me and headed out to street. I'd seen him before... I'd recognize him every time, the angel mentioned him a lot, made a point of it even, he wore a black t-shirt this time with a large yellow infinity symbol on it. He rushed out to the nearby bench to the suited man's side, whom now alone raised his head to look at him with a smile. Then he closed his eyes and let his head sink into his chest. 

The normal merge feeling I get turned to nausea then, and I felt like I couldn't breath... I knocked over my noodles when I ran to the bathroom, and once I hit the door I shifted... I'm leaving this letter on the typewriter I found amongst the clutter in the old shop I ended up in...

If you're riding the same stream... Please... I'm done... I want to go back to how it was... Before the man on the bench... Before that morning in the diner... Hell. I'll take getting fired, I'll even take getting creamed by that white Buick that morning instead of missing it. Just let this all make some sense...

Signed... KEANE.