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20130626

Faux News

Police Investigate Weird Accident Shooting
by Hank Markins


BLUDRAVEN, NY. (AP) - When police arrived at a West End neighbourhood to investigate a possible homicide, they found a car wreck with what looked like brain matter and blood on the front seat, dashboard and windows - but no sign of the victim.

Police began searching around the vehicle and discovered several gun shells scattered about. Police began knocking on doors and a lot of the neighbourhood claimed to have seen or heard nothing, except for Lunden Kallen.

Kallen was watching television when she heard a commotion and peered out of her window to see what was happening.

"First of all, there was this flash of light and yelling and screaming," said Kallen, an eyewitness to the event. "There was the fellow who stood on the hood of the car firing round after round at this huge man behind the wheel."

Kallen went on to say, "The car swerved off the road and into the tree sending the guy on the hood onto the lawn there. And the driver of the vehicle got out and was walking towards the man on the lawn."

She describes the driver to be over six feet tall and wearing some kind of gorilla suit, with what looked like a diver's helmet on.

Kallen doesn't know what happened next, since she was scared. She did notice that the man in the gorilla suit seemed to be unaffected by the severe wounds that he suffered.

Police are trying to locate the victim in the gorilla suit, and a caucasian male in torn jeans and a yellow t-shirt with the words Control Freak. If you happen to see them or have any information, phone Bludraven PD.